1. In the beginning there was the Big Bang, which begat all of time and space. Eventually sacrificial pigs evolved and the god of bacon did come to be.
2. The bacon god is not a jealous god; you may have other gods or no gods before the bacon god. Go crazy.
3. All the bacon god asks of you is a love of the smell of bacon. Belief in the bacon god’s existence is not required, and is frankly beside the point. You need not even participate in the most holy sacrament of eating bacon, though that’d be weird.
4. It would be nice if, as some other religions teach, you would love your neighbor and be a generally nice, moral person.
5. We are entirely different from those who worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster, for we prefer our pasta on top of our bacon, while they prefer their bacon on top of their pasta. But that’s cool. Again, we accept everyone who loves the smell of bacon.
6.As you would not have anyone steal your bacon, baconists shall not tolerate the personal violation of any other person.
7. Our god has never revealed its gender. When speaking to the prophet John, the prophet was unable to determine whether the voice was that of a “sensitive” male or an “assertive” female. But the prophet John knows it is not an important question to the bacon god, and therefore never questioned the bacon god on such matters, understanding that the only requirement for Baconism is the love of the smell of bacon.
8. The bacon god loves those of all races, sexual orientations, and beliefs, and they in turn love the god’s divine smell. The smell of bacon is bestowed equally on all people (except those who have no sense of smell, for whom the bacon god feels much pity).
9. Unlike the churches of other religions, baconists pay taxes and do not ask for donations, unless it is to subsidize the pork industry.
10. Try not to boil a young piglet in it’s mother’s milk. Just don’t. Trust me.
Lutefisk is basically a very nasty kitchen accident... _________________ Where there are too many policemen, there is no liberty. Where there are too many soldiers, there is no peace. Where there are too many lawyers, there is no justice.
Lin Yutang (1895-1976)
I know that the bacon died for my sins.
So that the whole of humanity would be saved.
Saved from a world of stringy chicken breast.
And I partake of the sacrament as often as I can.
But, (and maybe I'm showing a tendency to polytheism here)
The bacon is not the whole of my faith.
When life is heavy upon my heart (26th Dec)
The power of Pork compels me,...
The power of Pork compels me!!
The power of Pork compels me!!!!!!!!!!
_________________ What makes a space ours, is what we put there, and what we do there.
Joined: Jul 07, 2007 Posts: 1861 Location: Berks County, PA
Audio files: 68
Posted: Fri Mar 22, 2013 4:10 pm Post subject:
Hey, we used to have a plastic flying pig like that! You'd suspend it from the ceiling on a string, and its batteries would flap the wings, propelling it around. I wonder where that has go to _________________ When the stream is deep
my wild little dog frolics,
when shallow, she drinks.
Joined: Nov 20, 2007 Posts: 1441 Location: West Red Spot, Jupiter
Audio files: 173
Posted: Fri Mar 22, 2013 4:16 pm Post subject:
Facon is clearly not BACON.
"Veggie Bacon" is a contradiction in terms.
Like the money tree cannot grow a dollar, neither can any vegetable plant grow a strip of real, succulent, luscious, flavorful, crispy, porcine bacon. _________________ FPGA, dsPIC and Fatman Synth Stuff
Time flies like a banana. Fruit flies when you're having fun. BTW, Do these genes make my ass look fat?corruptio optimi pessima
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