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Tube-sound from IC goo (a hoax?)
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v-un-v
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 8:06 am    Post subject: Tube-sound from IC goo (a hoax?) Reply with quote  Mark this post and the followings unread

Almost as ridiculous as those rocks people plant on their shelves which are supposed to bring karma to your living room space (far out man!). But this thing I found on MusicThing really takes the cake!!

http://www.altmann.haan.de/tubeolator/default.htm

What do you reckon folks? An elaborate and expensive hoax??

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ALLES TURISTEN UND NONTEKNISCHEN LOOKENPEEPERS!
DAS KOMPUTERMASCHINE IST NICHT FÜR DER GEFINGERPOKEN UND MITTENGRABEN! ODERWISE IST EASY TO SCHNAPPEN DER SPRINGENWERK, BLOWENFUSEN UND POPPENCORKEN MIT SPITZENSPARKSEN.
IST NICHT FÜR GEWERKEN BEI DUMMKOPFEN. DER RUBBERNECKEN SIGHTSEEREN KEEPEN DAS COTTONPICKEN HÄNDER IN DAS POCKETS MUSS.
ZO RELAXEN UND WATSCHEN DER BLINKENLICHTEN.
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elektro80
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 8:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote  Mark this post and the followings unread

A joke. It must be a joke.

Trivia:

Quote:
This file created 24.06.99 10:33 by Claris Home Page version

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elektro80
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 8:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote  Mark this post and the followings unread

http://www.altmann.haan.de/tonearm/default.htm
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 10:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote  Mark this post and the followings unread

test your sanity:

http://www.mother-of-tone.com/acoustic_panel.htm


This must also be a joke.

Seriously, these claims have nothing to do about room acoustics and how things really work.
I am sure this is a joke though:

Quote:
The material is solid spruce wood, with a smooth surface and treated both sides with a special blend of all-natural ingredients including - among a variety of oils and resins - fossil amber.


Quote:
The combination of high-quality wood and special treatment gives the panel a vibrational- and reflection-characteristic that matches the Mother-of-Tone character, the ear's own character after which all sounds are evaluated.


Quote:
Unlike bad-sounding stone- or gypsum- walls, a room fitted with Altmann Acoustic Panels does not leave much work to do for the acoustics engineer, as the panels already have fine-tuned absorption and dispersion characteristics.


Quote:
Concert Halls

Of all musical genres. Every Altmann Acoustic Panel can be seen as a musical instrument of top quality. Excellent sound leads to excellent musical performance.


This dude has a great sense of humour. Perhaps bit too subtle but still ..

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 10:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote  Mark this post and the followings unread

Oh man, this guy is good. Laughing This is a genius at work:

Quote:
Like the BYOB amplifier, the complete electronic assembly of the Attraction DAC is vibrationally optimized, as the pcb is flat-press-mounted on a specially treated spruce-board. This construction is time-consuming during manufacture, but improves sound quality, as all components are mechanically coupled to a musical sound board.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 11:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote  Mark this post and the followings unread

Quote:
In fact our hearing needs harmonic distortion. It is the spice of sound, the musical vitamins.


musical vitamins, what a great name for a compilation album!!!
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v-un-v
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 1:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote  Mark this post and the followings unread

I don't know. A genius at work? I think you could be right there Stein- beleive it or not!

An old friend of mine Tyl is a Hi-Fi buff- but he makes his own gear- and for next to nothing too. Because it's so possible to get carried away in Hi-Fi (and studio recording too for that matter!!)- spending money on OFC wire at £250 a metre when solid core 13A lighting cable sounds equally good at 7 pence a metre!!!

Of course a good cart with a good turntable will outshine any cheap and nasty turntable.

I once read that marking the rim of a CD with a black marker pen dramatically improves the stereo width and focus. That sounds pretty crazy too- but it seemed to work!

I think the bottom line is that there are far too many people out there with too much money and far little sense!!

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ACHTUNG!
ALLES TURISTEN UND NONTEKNISCHEN LOOKENPEEPERS!
DAS KOMPUTERMASCHINE IST NICHT FÜR DER GEFINGERPOKEN UND MITTENGRABEN! ODERWISE IST EASY TO SCHNAPPEN DER SPRINGENWERK, BLOWENFUSEN UND POPPENCORKEN MIT SPITZENSPARKSEN.
IST NICHT FÜR GEWERKEN BEI DUMMKOPFEN. DER RUBBERNECKEN SIGHTSEEREN KEEPEN DAS COTTONPICKEN HÄNDER IN DAS POCKETS MUSS.
ZO RELAXEN UND WATSCHEN DER BLINKENLICHTEN.
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Uncle Krunkus
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 3:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote  Mark this post and the followings unread

I agree with Stein.
This guy is a genious!
He has managed to combine a very dry sense of humour and sarcasm with the ability to describe the blatantly obvious, use a lot of spare time, and take the piss out of all those audio buff wankers who swear blind that they can hear the difference between 44khz and 96khz sampling and that a chunk of rock bouncing around in a gooey vinyl trench sounds better than either!! Rolling Eyes
The most ingenious part of it is that if I owned a studio which made a shitload of money out of re-recording doofed up hippy tracks from the sixties I'd want a whole wall covered in those special spruce panels just for a laugh.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 3:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote  Mark this post and the followings unread

Oh, I almost forgot,
The tubeolator though is completely legit.
I've used it myself.
I did a particularly bad master of a track I was working on and it sounded terrible on my untreated stereo. I played it back on a CD walkman which had all of it's chips tubeolated and it sounded great!!

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elektro80
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 3:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote  Mark this post and the followings unread

Uncle Krunkus wrote:
He has managed to combine a very dry sense of humour and sarcasm with the ability to describe the blatantly obvious, use a lot of spare time, and take the piss out of all those audio buff wankers who swear blind that they can hear the difference between 44khz and 96khz sampling and that a chunk of rock bouncing around in a gooey vinyl trench sounds better than either!! Rolling Eyes


Laughing Indeed. His texts are wonderful. He has kinda applied some kind of "filter" in here. Amazing. Like the spruce panel trip.. This only makes perfect sense if you are a HIFI wanker and have absoluteley no basic understanding of room acoustics at all. And he is right of course... covering all surfaces in your studio with the panels will make an audible difference.
Oh my.. Shocked Laughing

I am a big fan! This dude should get awards! Big awards! Awesome awards! This dude leaves Buster Keaton in the dust. This dude is the Roadrunner of HIFI sarcasms.

BEEP BEEP


Laughing

( wot? no roadrunner icons? )

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 3:54 am    Post subject: Re: Tube-sound from IC goo (a hoax?) Reply with quote  Mark this post and the followings unread

v-un-v wrote:

http://www.altmann.haan.de/tubeolator/default.htm

I am quite sure it can be used as sun screen too on earthlings Cool
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 4:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote  Mark this post and the followings unread

THis dude has a new site at: http://www.mother-of-tone.com

And hidden inside he even has a message re his mission:

http://www.mother-of-tone.com/messages.htm



But there is more. There are several Altmann websites. Prepare for the
JITTER SCRAMBLING DECORRELATOR

Posted Image, might have been reduced in size. Click Image to view fullscreen.

Quote:
The AMM - JISCO should not really be called a jitter attenuator, because the peak to peak jitter at the output of the AMM-JISCO is larger than the jitter at its input. It is not important to have low jitter at the digital input of the DAC receiver, however, it is very important to have low jitter at the actual DAC-chip, in the DAC device.

You can read in the following lines, to see how this is accomplished.


And there is a PDF leaflet at: http://www.jitter.de/pdf/JISCO.pdf

Product website at: http://www.jitter.de

OK. Is this a joke? Should we let Howard, the engineer, decide on this one?


wot? Still no Roadrunner emoticon?

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 4:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote  Mark this post and the followings unread

As for the spruce panels, this is also a take on the "cover every surface with Auralex panels" ideology some pro audio gear shops are sporting. If you did, then going for the spruce rescue is in fact not a bad idea. Laughing
I really hope Altmann will do something on bass traps. Like using some kind of sticky bass absorbing laquer or a spruce chair for the standing waves.. if they sit down and relax a bit .. imagine..

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 4:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote  Mark this post and the followings unread

Howard has a Harley!
This is what he needs: http://www.amm.haan.de/P3/read.html

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 7:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote  Mark this post and the followings unread

Okay,
I'm out.
My head hurts from trying to work out whether he's taking the piss or not. I can't keep up anymore. I'm starting to question the very nature of reality!! Surprised
Ahhhhhh
"Warning Will Robinson, Aneurism Imminent!!!!!"

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 7:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote  Mark this post and the followings unread

Posted Image, might have been reduced in size. Click Image to view fullscreen.

UGLY

The man has no soul. Who would put this on a Harley? Harley's are known for the studdering of the idle. They are a bit like old VWs.

As for the jitter stuff - jitter does raise the noise floor - that's a fact, Jack. I would like to hear this jutter decorelator in action, but I think the effect would only be noticed if it was in a very quiet room, and of course you would have to blank our annoying background sounds like your breathing and heart beat. Laughing

Back to server hacking...
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