Uncle Krunkus' lyrics

[Uncle Krunkus]

Terror Form Me

If you had the chance to live for all time,
would you share it round slowly, or burn in your prime?
A million hellos and a million goodbyes.
Could you see your way clearly, for the tears in your eyes?
If you could become the king of your world,
would you throw it away, for the hand of your girl?
Or share in her life and then say goodbye?
Had you wasted your time, but maybe you'd find someone new.

I see the mirror falling,
I hear the darkness calling, calling my name.
I rush to fill my lungs up,
I wish to drink from your cup, is it in vain?
I feel the need for sleep,
I want to rest,
I'll put the light out,…….

But I'm not prepared to die.
No, I'm not prepared to die.
I'm not prepared to die.

Now I'll understand if you don't take my hand,
maybe god won't allow you to share in my plan,
or bathe in a flood of warm human blood,
that's the part that I'm not looking forward to.
Life has a price, if you cheat you'll pay twice.
It's so desperately lonely to watch your friends die,
but I want to see what still lies ahead of me,
so I'll weep for your souls while I journey off to the stars.

I see the mirror falling,
I hear the darkness calling, calling my name.
I rush to fill my lungs up,
I wish to drink from your cup, is it in vain?
I feel the need for sleep,
I want to rest,
I'll put the light out,……

But I'm not prepared to die.
I can look you in the eye,
and say I'm not prepared to die.
No, I'm not prepared to die.
I'm not prepared to die.

[Inventor]

Nice Andy, nice!

Les

[Danno Gee Ray]

Very cool. Keep it up.

[Danno Gee Ray]

Constructive criticism inbound...


A few things I've noticed. Your lyric switches rhyme sheme in the second verse.
example...

[Danno Gee Ray]

I also wanted to say that I like internal rhyme. and am learning more and more the use of near rhyme in verses. It is easy to fall into the trap of the same old pairings or root word rhymes. creative uise of near rhyme is an art. finding new ones or rarely used ones is as well.

I don't know how long you've been writing, and this is only one example, but it has a lot of good things going for it.

It does feel a little unfinished, but in the end, that's purely your call.

[Uncle Krunkus]

It wasn't really a concious decision to break it up around the mentioning of the blood, but one which I like the effect of, as it gives it a certain gravity of realising what the situation will entail.
I generally like to break up the "go on autopilot and bee-bop along" effect wherever possible, as my music is very unimprovisational. Even though I tend to write music which is quite "groovy" I then temper that with my general creative rule, which is that there are no rules.
My favourite music is generally something which lulls into a sense of melody and rhythm and then flies off in a completely unrelated direction. Returning later to the comfort of the original idea, yet with a sense that you don't know what's coming next.

[Danno Gee Ray]

Very good. A concious decision to create the effects you want is the place of the artist. I was merely making observations, in no way trying to put down your work.

There are a lot of things about the lyric I like, and I do appreciate your sharing it with us.

[Uncle Krunkus]

BTW,
Thanks for the very constructive criticism Danno, I do appreciate it.

[Uncle Krunkus]

Here's another one. You can hear the completed track by clicking on the audio files link in my avatar.

Bliss

Hush now my love,
see the stars up above,
they were placed there for you and for me.
When we were mist,
did the same stars exist?
or does life only touch what we see?

Love me, take all I can give.
Sing with me now while we live.
When we are gone,
will our love linger on?
or will all that we've done fall like sand
through our hands?

Restful I sleep
in your arms here to keep
all my darkness and demons at bay.
And when I wake,
it's your love I will take,
with me heartfelt through all of my days.

Show me the warmth of your smile.
Sit here with me for a while.
When we have flown
will our spirits have grown
to embrace in the space in between
all that's been.

Hold me please don't let me go.
Once I was blind now I know.
This day we share
is so precious and rare,
and the one thing I care not to miss
is your kiss.

[Danno Gee Ray]

Very nice one there. It flows well, and its cadence enhances the feeling of the words.

[electri-fire]

[electri-fire]

That said,

There's great songs with lyrics that don't rhyme, have no metrum, no meaning, whatever.

Do we need meaning and/or logic?

Now I'll understand if you don't take my hand,
maybe god won't allow you to share in my plan,
or bathe in a flood of warm human blood,
that's the part that I'm not looking forward to.

Ah, love rejected, a subject of a thousand more songs. Meaning and logic. God won't allow you to bathe in a flood of human blood? He won't bathe in a flood of human blood himself?

Lyrics need no logic. Strong lines with nonsense is ok. Sex, Lilacs, and the Ever Streaming Flow of Farts could do nicely in the right context. (well, maybe not the farts )

But when using "normal idiom" I think logic and meaning are more important.

[Uncle Krunkus]

I think a lot of the timing would be clearer if I can finish it and let you hear how it's supposed to be sung. It's quite hard to impart a sense of the timing in text, and I now know it reads differently to my intent. Still,... the inherent timing of the syllables as presented back up all the points you've made, and that suggests other details I hadn't even thought of. Thanks for that.

[Uncle Krunkus]

Gees,
at this rate I'm gonna have to actually record the vocals so you can hear how the timing goes!

So I s'pose this thread is doing what I wanted it to do!

[Antimon]

I would certainly welcome an Unkle Krunkus recording!

One can use lyrics in combination with music in many ways. You can use words only as a rythmical instrument with nonsensical meaning or rhyme. You can use music as nothing more than a backing track - an excuse to read your poetry. There are a gazillion paths between these two extremes.

I personally find it hard to find rules about what is right and wrong in that jungle. But I enjoy reading your lyrics anyway! I've liked the stuff you do, Danno (though I haven't managed to read through it all) and the other stuff in the big lyrics thread. I like the Krunkus lyrics here precisely because the shifts in word tempo and rhyme distribution makes it feel a bit more alive.

/Stefan

[DrJustice]

[Danno Gee Ray]

I too believe that rules are not for strict adherence when writing, but are more a wirish frame to twist. And, yes, it is very hard to convey tempos, pauses and emphasis with mere text. The words alone are but wings upon which the bird of our message flies.

I too enjoy your Lyrics Unk. and I very much like the points made in this discussion.

Electri-Fire...good points all. Teh best rule is make our own rules. Rule our rules, not be ruled by them.

Antimon, thanks for the compliment, and for having read.

Unless I'm mistaken, none of us are experts at any of this. We are however artists each in our own right. We should ecourage, help, and facillitate the growth of each other in our art. I feel we do that well here.

[Inventor]

[Celtic Peasant]

[Uncle Krunkus]

[Celtic Peasant]

[Uncle Krunkus]

I'm not great with theory, but I think you'll know what to do with this. I'm about 98% sure it's right.

3/4 time (obviously)

Verse
2 measures each of
Am
Fdm7
G#dm7
Am
Repeat

Chorus
1 measure each of
G
G
Am
Am
G
G
Am
Am
F
E
Am
G
F
E
Bb7
Bb7
Am
Am
Am
Am

[Uncle Krunkus]

BTW, No, I haven't done the vocals for Terror Form Me yet.
It's a very tricky song to sing actually.
One of those songs where one octave is a little too high and the octave below is a little too low. Plus I'm too attached to the overall sound to transpose it. I've been wondering whether to pitch shift my vocals instead. Or maybe just knock it out and be done with it. Not sure.

[Celtic Peasant]

Thank you so much Uncle Krunkus. Do you have the music itself posted anywhere for Terror Form Me?

I'd be really interested to hear what you have music-wise for that piece.

Take care,
Zoie

[Uncle Krunkus]

Yeah, just click on the audio files link in my avatar and look for "Forbidden Planet". That is actually the music for "Terror Form Me". You can't hear the melody/vocal line though, so it might be hard to get an idea how to sing it.