Friday jokes!

djfoxyfox · Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2003 8:29 pm Post subject: Still More Musician Jokes

Definition of a minor second:
Two oboes playing unison.

How do you get two piccolos to play in unison?
Shoot one.

How can you tell if the stage is level?
The drummer drools out of BOTH sides of his mouth.

mosc · Posted: Mon Nov 10, 2003 9:26 am Post subject:

Mark Twain defined a gentleman:

A man who knows how to play the banjo, and doesn't.

seraph · Posted: Mon Nov 10, 2003 11:13 am Post subject:

seraph · Posted: Mon Nov 10, 2003 11:40 am Post subject:

I am sorry Howard. I went to your web site and you are right: you do not mention the piano. Maybe my recollection was biased by the fact that I am a piano player Embarassed

mosc · Posted: Mon Nov 10, 2003 12:48 pm Post subject:

elektro80 · Posted: Fri Nov 14, 2003 7:01 pm Post subject:

Why is a pupil learning to sing like someone opening a tin of sardines?
Because they both have trouble with the key.

elektro80 · Posted: Fri Nov 14, 2003 7:03 pm Post subject:

Synth repairman: I've come to tune your CS 80
Synthesist: But we didn't send for you.
Synth repairman: No, but the people who bought your last LP did.

elektro80 · Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2003 10:32 pm Post subject:

12-tone scale: the thing they weigh a tractor trailer truck with.

elektro80 · Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2003 10:32 pm Post subject:

What do you call a filter with a big bottom and can really sing?
Jennifer Lowpass

elektro80 · Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2003 10:33 pm Post subject:

Glissando: a brand of personal lubricant.

elektro80 · Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2003 10:34 pm Post subject:

Why is a modular synth better than a MiniMoog?
You can set your beer on a modular.

elektro80 · Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2003 10:35 pm Post subject:

What do you get when you drop a modular synth on an army base?
A flat major.

Cyxeris · Joined: Oct 30, 2003 Posts: 1125 Location: Louisville, KY

Hey, I've got one I came up with back in the days of "Wow, virtual analog is as good as REAL analog!"

I called such equipment "anolestralog synthesis"

Nar!

Cyx

elektro80 · Posted: Sun Dec 07, 2003 1:21 pm Post subject:

"They say when you play a Microsoft CD backward you can hear satanic messages...but that's nothing, if you play it forward it will install Windows"

seraph · Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2003 7:12 am Post subject:

An elderly couple had been dating for some time.
Finally they decided it was time for marriage.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner
and had a long conversation regarding how their
marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach
the subject of their physical relationship.

"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly.
"Well," she said, responding very carefully,
"I'd have to say I would like it infrequently."

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment.
Then, looking over his glasses, he looked her
in the eye and asked casually, "Was that one word
or two?"

elektro80 · Posted: Fri Jan 16, 2004 1:55 am Post subject:

I need more silly jokes guys. It is friday over here, and the workload is silly.. ( depending on if you find the idea of reinventing gunpowder amusing or not).

Cyxeris · Joined: Oct 30, 2003 Posts: 1125 Location: Louisville, KY

A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field. Ten years goes by, and one day he hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees the little snail sitting on the doormat. The snail says, "What the fuck was that all about?"

Cyx

paul e. · Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2004 10:53 am Post subject:

it's saturday, i just made this up, and i think it may only apply to north americans

anyway

'OnStar'

the 2000's equivalent of;

'I've fallen...and i can't get up' hehehehehe

seraph · Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2004 11:01 am Post subject:

paul e. · Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2004 11:05 am Post subject:

http://onstar.com/us_english/jsp/whatisonstar/idont_whatisonstar.jsp

it's a remote gps system to diagnose and assist silly people with expensive cars who lose their keys down toilets and need the tow truck

heheh

Cyxeris · Joined: Oct 30, 2003 Posts: 1125 Location: Louisville, KY

OR...

...a convenient centralized way of knowing where all the cars are.

Cyx

elektro80 · Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2004 7:13 pm Post subject:

paul e. · Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2004 7:27 pm Post subject:

trust me on this one..it is funny, if i do say so myself

you have to hear the ad campaign they have, which is all over the radio in north america, otherwise there is no way you can get it